Sunday, May 15, 2011

Life after Divorce.

I've been a bit hesitant to write about this on my blog, but I thought that it might help/comfort someone else that's going through the same thing. Life after divorce is no walk in the park. You loose weight, your desire to do anything you once loved, and sadly: your heart gets broken. I'm not talking about the hurt you felt when your first boyfriend dumped you, I'm talking complete and utter sadness and despair. Depression. Hate. Loneliness. The laundry list of emotions goes on and on. I don't think that most of you even knew that my [ex]husband left back in November, or that I got divorced. I never mentioned it to you. I just picked myself up off the ground, brushed myself off and kept moving forward.

It came as a blow to me, I was completely shocked. This will explain why I left my blog unattended for a few months, posting here and there, but nothing steady. I just couldn't find the inspiration to write, hell, I didn't feel like doing anything at all. There were days that I didn't even want to get out of bed. I had dedicated myself [and life] completely to a man that in the end, just walked away from me. I recently found out that he's marrying his ex-girlfriend in a few days too. Let me be clear, I do not want him back. But you can understand why this would feel like a punch in the gut. He's only been gone six months, and has already decided to make such a huge commitment. I'll also throw in here that I moved to Illinois for this man. I gave up my friends, family, and great job back in Phoenix to move here with him. That's why I'm here in Illinois. I guess I'll never understand how such things work. Why a loyal, trustworthy, loving person always gets left in the dust.

I'm grateful that I had so many wonderful friends to lean on during this whole thing. That's what got me through. And my family of course. They're always there when I need them. I'm slowly, but surely starting to feel like my old self again. I'm finding the inspiration to write again, to sew, to do things I stopped doing because I was so sad. It's like a fresh start [and wake up call]. I'm trying to take the positives out of this situation. It really opens your eyes to what you will and will not tolerate in future relationships, as well as that characteristics you really need in a spouse. I'm also proud of myself for being so tenacious. I stayed strong and held myself together. I got through something that could of been a nightmare for someone else, especially being so far from home. I'm here to tell you that even though going through a divorce sucks, I walked away from the situation knowing that I did everything in my power to make my marriage work. I gave it my all, and for that I can not be ashamed. I can move on with no regrets.

Things are starting to 'look up' for me. I feel like I have a new lease on life. Each day I feel better and better, and the past is just drifting away. The key is to not be bitter. Just move on, trusting that something better is around the corner. This quote says it best:

I will leave you with these two Authority Zero songs because I think they really relate how I feel. I listen to them a lot. They're both great pick me up songs. They could really relate to any situation that's getting you down. Maybe they'll help you feel better too. Enjoy, and thanks for listening, er, reading.

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